


revel while it lasts (it's the end of the world)

by meathermac



Series: live a life from a new perspective [2]
Category: Not Another D&D Podcast (Podcast)
Genre: Introspection, Love Confessions, M/M, Mavrus-Centric, Not Canon Compliant, band au, based on a fic by blazeofglory, probably could be teen but i wanted to be safe tbh, the band of boobs are an actual band
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-17
Updated: 2020-08-17
Packaged: 2021-03-06 05:35:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,206
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25948207
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/meathermac/pseuds/meathermac
Summary: It would be a lot harder to pretend like Hardwon didn’t mean the whole damn world to him if it wasn’t the biggest lie Mavrus had ever told.
Relationships: Mavrus/Hardwon Surefoot
Series: live a life from a new perspective [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1888468
Comments: 8
Kudos: 33





	revel while it lasts (it's the end of the world)

**Author's Note:**

> dskjgkjahgfdkssals i refuse!!! to let sam be the only person in the mavwon tag!!!! 
> 
> inspired by [new perspective](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24052162/chapters/57878788) by [blazeofglory](https://archiveofourown.org/users/blazeofglory/pseuds/blazeofglory)!!!!!!  
> mwah i love you sam!!! shoutout to the naddcord for encouraging me and to sam for beta'ing and feeding my ego
> 
> (title from "end of the world" by drew holcomb and the dragons)

It would be a lot harder to pretend like Hardwon didn’t mean the whole damn world to him if it wasn’t the biggest lie Mavrus had ever told. 

The truth is that Hardwon means more to Mavrus that he’s willing to admit, but he can barely even think about that without driving himself insane, so he shuts his mouth and looks away and sends Moonshine more lyrics the next day.

Every time she gets lyrics at 4 am, he swears her text messages are giving him a look. 

Moonshine doesn’t say anything--she’s far too smart for that--but it’s more about the stuff that she doesn’t say (like a shitty jazz song, you know) and the looks she sends his way at practice.

It’s a ‘take-what-you-can-get’ mentality, ‘cause he knows that it’s not worth falling too deep into a relationship that isn’t going anywhere. Mavrus has a best friend and a friends-with-benefits situation that’s working for him, and if he writes shitty lyrics down after they fuck sometimes that’s no one’s business but his own. 

And Moonshine’s, maybe. 

He tells Hardwon that he’s gonna drop out and Hardwon tells him to go right ahead, he can live with him and Moonshine. Bev tells them to stop being in love and Mavrus tells him that they aren’t, even though he thinks he might be. 

Why did he do that? Why does he keep lying--to himself, to his friends, to everyone? Is there even a reason or is he just too fucking scared to admit that he might really,  _ really _ like Hardwon? 

It’s all so  _ stupid _ , anyways. Mavrus doesn’t need to keep insisting that they’re not dating or that everything’s casual--and he hears the way that Hardwon says it’s casual and he knows somewhere deep down that there’s a reason that he says it like that. 

Is it his fault? 

Probably. 

He hears Moonshine say “I don’t think you  _ do _ casual” and pretends like he doesn’t, they play shows and go to parties and have sex and they don’t talk about their feelings nearly enough because they don’t  _ need _ to, they’re best friends and friends with benefits and he doesn’t need to say anything else. 

He told Hardwon that he could kiss him if he wanted. Hardwon did. 

Mavrus didn’t think he was going to. 

It’s a whole thing, really, because he’s  _ always _ been like this--a bit more outgoing, a bit flirtier, a bit more of himself than he ever intended to be--and so he says things like “kiss me if you want to” and doesn’t expect a response. 

You’re supposed to love your best friends. You’re supposed to want everything to go right for them--it’s  _ okay _ to love your best friends. 

But damn him to hell if he isn’t finding out the hard way how much it sucks to truly fall in love with your best friend. 

He didn’t want to, he never meant to, he doesn’t want to  _ hurt _ Hardwon; the problem is Mavrus isn’t sure what Hardwon wants and fuck, he’s not even sure what he wants. 

(The simple answer is that he wants Hardwon. The more complicated answer is that he  _ wants _ Hardwon, for more than sex and more than making out on a couch, he wants him for all the cheesy shit and the awkwardness that comes from being a couple and he just doesn’t know how to say it, not even a little bit.)

Fuck, no one ever told him that all the good parts about love came with all the worst feelings. 

\--

They’re sitting on the couch again, and Mavrus is leaning against Hardwon, nearly passed out from the night they’ve had. He’s  _ tired _ , really, the kind of exhaustion that settles in your bones and doesn’t leave for days. They performed earlier, some party for something or other (Moonshine and Balnor handle the booking, it’s really not his  _ thing _ ), then stayed and partied for a bit until none of them wanted to stay anymore. 

Here’s the shitty thing, he didn’t really want to stay at all. 

Mavrus has a brand, unfortunately enough, and that brand is mesh shirts, partying all night long, literal rock star, whatever. Having a ‘brand’ is overrated, he thinks, because if he wants to go sleep on his bandmate’s crappy couch and cuddle with the guy he might be in love with that’s no one’s else’s  _ fucking _ problem. 

(Except the guy he might be in love with. And the bandmate’s, kinda. But just the three of them, okay?)

He considered going home by himself as they were leaving. He could call an Uber, he could ask Beverly to drive him back to his place, he could figure  _ something _ out--but he doesn’t really want to. Mavrus wants to claim he’s too drunk to get home by himself and lean against Hardwon, giving him the most pathetic look he can manage until Moonshine or Hardwon gives in and says he can stay with them for the night. 

He wants to tell Hardwon every single thing he’s ever thought about him, all of the filthiest thoughts he’s ever had and all of the things he’s dreamt about, the apartment just for the two of them, the fame and the tabloids running rumors about them dating that they laugh about together; Mavrus wants to be able to tell him  _ everything _ without the consequences of him, you know, listening to it. 

Being drunk is a great excuse for that too. 

Mavrus hangs off of Hardwon’s neck and smiles at his friends, waves goodbye to partygoers, and giggles at something stupid Hardwon says and realizes that he really, really likes just getting to be like  _ this _ \--and really all he wants is to get to be like this for the rest of his goddamn life. 

What the fuck does ‘this’ even mean, anyway? Drunk? In love? 

(Happy, maybe?)

Mavrus is starting to think that maybe he doesn’t need to be famous to be happy. Maybe he just needs to be a little bit in love with his best friend and to know that at the very least, he loves him a little bit too. 

They’re laying on the couch at home from the party and he asks Hardwon what he’d say if Mavrus said he loved him right here, right now, not in bed, not after sex. Hardwon says he’d tell him he loved him back. 

It’s damn near one am and Mavrus is almost asleep on Moonshine’s couch, but he’s snuggled up close with his best friend and he says out loud, “I think I’m in love with you.” 

He wants to say that he means the real kind of love, the kind of love that means that he’s willing to stay with Hardwon until he can’t anymore, but he doesn’t have the words to say it and Mavrus knows somewhere in his heart that Hardwon already knows all of that, too, because he just says, “I’m in love with you too.”

There are no fireworks, there’s no dramatic confession in an airport after a chase scene; they’re just sitting on a couch together and enjoying every second of it. 

Maybe if this is what happy feels like, Mavrus can try it for a while. 

**Author's Note:**

> lichen, commerce and scribble--or leave a comment and kudos if you liked it!!!
> 
> come hit me up on twitter [@maplekeenes] and tumblr [@maple-keenes]!!!


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